A British company has appointed a thermostat controller after discovering that the heating dial can affect its finances more quickly than the sales team.
The position comes with a lanyard, a small key and the authority to ask whether everybody has considered wearing the coat they arrived in. Applications from people with naturally cold hands will not be considered objective.
Staff requesting additional warmth must submit a business case demonstrating the relationship between finger movement and commercial output. The finance department has disputed this relationship, noting that several senior employees produce little at any temperature.
A pilot scheme encourages movement around the office, provided employees do not leave their desks long enough to affect the occupancy data. Workers have therefore developed a brisk seated shuffle which resembles enthusiasm from a distance.
Management says the policy reflects a commitment to sustainability. The same announcement confirms that the executive away-day will take place somewhere warm, because strategic thinking requires environmental consistency.
Early results are encouraging. The finance director reports that energy use is down, while HR reports that engagement with the new policy is exceptionally high. Apparently every employee has something to say about it.
