An imaginary music-industry panel has expressed concern about an audience of bears apparently capable of attending a performance without first establishing how it would look on their social media accounts.
The fictional review noted several troubling absences: no raised phones, no shouted requests for a song the pianist had already played, and no audience member loudly explaining to a companion that the early material was better.
A hypothetical ticketing executive questioned whether such a crowd could be commercially viable. Bears showed little interest in dynamic pricing, VIP upgrades or paying extra to enter the same enclosure slightly earlier. Their understanding of hospitality appeared limited to being treated hospitably.
An invented promoter proposed teaching them to wave illuminated wristbands. Sanctuary staff in this imagined conversation suggested that sitting quietly and listening might already count as sufficient participation. The promoter asked how that could be measured in engagement.
Human concertgoers were divided. Some admired the animals’ attention. Others pointed out that the bears would have no shaky vertical footage with which to prove they had been present, leaving only the dangerously unverifiable evidence of a memory.
The panel recommended further research into this unfamiliar model of attendance. Its working title is ‘Going to Hear Music’. Several executives said they vaguely remembered it from before the platforms.
