This is satire. Events, dialogue and quotations in this article are invented for comic effect. It is not a factual news report.

A weather app has launched a subscription that displays the forecast users were hoping for, following complaints that accurate predictions can be unhelpful when a barbecue has already been arranged. The premium package promises confidence, not meteorology.

Subscribers may choose from three outlooks: pleasantly optimistic, probably fine and too late to cancel. A separate setting hides wind until after garden furniture has been assembled. Users booking a UK weekend away can purchase a reassuring sun icon without the burden of the small percentage underneath it.

App founder Oliver Moss said consumers had made clear that information was less valuable than being able to send a screenshot to the group chat. His service addresses this need by generating forecasts that support whichever person booked the non-refundable accommodation. It does not change the weather, a distinction explained somewhere below the upgrade button.

Early customer reviews have been strong, particularly from people still indoors. One user reported that her walking holiday now looked excellent on three devices, despite water entering her shoes. The company is developing an advanced tier that explains why the forecast had actually been right. It expects this to be popular with people who booked the accommodation and are still defending it.