This is satire. Events, dialogue and quotations in this article are invented for comic effect. It is not a factual news report.

A office has welcomed a new era of software choice by introducing a form, inside its existing software, to explain why employees would prefer different software.

The form can only be opened in the desktop version, approved in the browser version and submitted through a link which IT has described as “historically temperamental”. Staff have until Friday, unless the permissions arrive on Monday.

Project manager Helen Voss said she supported competition but would settle for a calendar invitation which did not require three applications to display the room. Her team currently uses a fourth application to discuss why the first three are not working.

A working group has been established to explore alternatives. Its first meeting was delayed because nobody could access the shared document, a development senior management described as valuable evidence of the importance of collaboration.

Employees requesting a simpler tool must demonstrate a business case, complete security training and identify a sponsor. Employees buying twenty identical notebooks may simply expense them, although this is considered an unacceptable workaround because it works.

The office expects to reach a decision next quarter. In the meantime, the form has been moved into a new workspace which promises to bring everything together, once somebody discovers where everything has gone.